November 2, 2009

Undeveloped Love 2: Pretention





Undeveloped Love 2: Pretention
By EiroL EneleJ
November 2 2009

How many times will I do this…?
To hide this hurtful look in my eyes…
How could I still manage to put a sweet smile into this tired lips…
When the pain I feel inside keeps eating my lonely heart…

I keep thinking that this dreadful feeling is from the past…
That I am still dwelling to my past…
But how can I convince myself when I know that the fact that hurts me is…
When I see you with a smile in your lips…
With a twinkle in your eyes…
With an intermittent light on your face…
And with happy and contented aura that surrounds you…
Only it was not intended for me…

I once had the chance to experience all of it…
It feels surreal…
I felt it in my heart….
But something happened along the way….
It’s just that along with the magical feeling, fear overrule my heart…

I told myself… I can never have the whole him…
I will never be enough for him …
So it would be better if at this early I’ll make a move to avoid him…
It would be better to shield my fragile heart from the coming heartache….
To make this coming misery quick and fast…

It’s just that it didn’t occur to me that what if….
What if this thing that I’ve been avoiding was the only things that could complete the whole me….

I don’t have the right to stop the things that are meant to happen for they will find the way…
I didn’t lessen the pain that I would feel for there could have been a chance to have a complete happiness but instead I chose the coward’s way…

Now there are so many what if’s in my mind that would never have the answer….
Now matte what I do, I cannot undo what I did…
That’s the sad thing when you had the single chance to make u happy but you just let it go just like that…

November 1, 2009

When you fall inlove

When you fall inlove
By EiroL EneleJ
November 1 2009

You just know.
You fall for no reason or you fall for so many reason.
You are ready or you are not.

Love like there’s no tomorrow.
Love like you has never love before.
Love the whole package.

Be strong and fight for your right to love.
Be prepared and expect the unexpected.
Be true to yourself.

Have faith in your love.
Have faith to the one you love.
Have faith to yourself.

You tend to do stupid things.
You tend to believe a lot of crap.
You tend to listen to whatever you just want to listen.
You tend to see whatever you just want to see.

You become unreasonable sometimes though you’re usually reasonable.
You are willing to take the risk though you’re afraid.
You are prepared to cry a river just for the heck of his smile.

You feel the connection between you and him
You can see him without opening your eyes
You can hear him though he’s not talking
You can feel him yet his not around.


Love is a wonderful thing 
created by God for us to experience and cherish. 


We can love a lot of times, 
we can love as many as we can 
but there is only one very special love for us. 


You are lucky if you found him 
here in your journey in earth 
for the world is so big 
that not everyone of us could meet 
the one that is meant for us. 


Don’t lose hope 
we can always try if we stumble down the road. 


You’ll never know what would happen next 
if you wouldn’t go out 
and be brave and take the risk.


Love and live. 
Live for love.

October 31, 2009

ROTC Christmas Party 2008

ROTC Christmas Party 2008
By EiroL EneleJ
December 19 2008


Hi there! It’s been a long time since I last opened you *I’m referring to my diary ~_~*. This day is one of the happiest and most memorable day for me. We *ROTC Officers with Sir Dom* had our 1st and last Christmas Party *I guess for the first class officers* for some additional thing to go back with in our memory lane someday.*paiyak effect right now December 20 2008 12:38 am*, we had this party planned the day before the event *as usual we had an impromptu meeting*.

I can’t believe how fast time goes by. I could still remember when I first joined this ROTC cadetship and first met my buddies. We weren’t that close I guess, we just had the bonding when we were in our second year as a cadet *well Jassie is an exemption for she’s my bestfriend classmate*.

 As I reminisce the past, I couldn’t believe how we had formed this kind of relationship as buddies. I guess right now I’m partly sad because the graduation in ROTC is so near and also afraid that I just can’t let go and move on fast. There are so many wonderful things that happened to me, make it good or bad but with my buddies around me, I guess I wouldn’t consider deleting it on my memory here in my heart.

We all had our differences and that made our ROTC life more exciting. We sometimes quarrel about petty things but at the end of the day we would have a meeting and pour all our sentiments with each other confronting in the most professional way that we could master while crying, then we’re all ok at the end. I can’t believe that this phase would soon be over. I’m really glad to have met all of you. I want you all to know that I’m very thankful that you’ve been a part of my life. Our experiences together are one of a kind.

Now for the Christmas party event…

We designated each other to have a certain part for the coming event. We planned it to be a memorable one. The foods, of course are assigned to the female cadets. The male cadets would prepare the venue and the other things that would be needed in the coming event. We had our bunutan.

I started to prepare the ingredients that I would need for tomorrow. I woke up early and prepare the foods that we’re going to eat. Then after that Jan Ray fetch me and carry the foodstuff.

When we arrived at the venue some of the things are still being prepared by my co-buddies and underclass.

The event was started by a prayer from our Ex-O and followed by an opening address from our Corps. The speech done by our corps is somewhat heart-tearing piece. After those things we ate and then had the dance number prepared by our underclass. We also had the game started and a little sing and dance.

After a while Sir Dom asked us to have a little speech for the underclass at para na rin sabihin for the last time yung mga message namin sa bawat isa… Sinimulan ang pagbibigay ng mensahe mula sa aming Corps, well nakakaiyak ang mensahe ng bawat isa sa amin… binilinan namin ang mga underclass na  nagpakatatag dahil ang pagiging isang upperclass ay hindi tulad ng lagi nilang nakikita na masaya. Though it has the benefit of being the Boss kakambal ng pagiging pinuno ang salitang Responsibility. Kakailanganin nila ang ibayong lakas ng loob at tibay ng samahan to be able to outshine the trials that they would encounter in their journey as upperclass. Binilinan din namin sila na wag kakalimutan ang mga tinuro namin maganda man o hindi kasabay ng bilin na toh ay ang paalala na ipasa ang mga magagandang asal na tinuro namin at pulutin ang aral sa bawat maling naencounter nila sa amin. Hindi man perpekto ang naging pamamalakad namin sa aming termino maraming mga bagay na ginawa namin ang hindi namin pinagsisisihan.

Paggalang ang isa sa aming ipinagdiinan sa aming mga underclass. Aminin man natin o hindi minsan nakakaramdam din tayo ng pagiging rebelde sa ibang mga atas satin may mga pagkakataon pa nga na kelangan na nating tayuan ang bawat desisyon na ating ginagawa ngunit dapat parin nating isa alang alang ang seniority sa ating organisasyon.

Pagkakaisa sa desisyon mabigat man o hindi ang isa sa mga sekreto ng pagkakaroon ng harmonious na relasyon sa isa’t isa. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay nagkakaroon ng iisang desisyon ang bawat member ng samahan ngunit sa bawat paggawa ng desisyon laging iconsider ang pagkakaroon ng malinaw na communication, pag-usapan muna ang sitwasyon ng nakaharap ang bawat member, unahin ang pagdedesisyon mula sa mga nakatataas, igalang ang panig ng bawat isa at sa huli gawin ang desisyon with consideration of all the things na inyong napagkasunduan.

Be Professional iyan ang isa sa pinakadinikdik namin sa aming mga underclass. Sa organisasyong inyong kinabilangan lagi namin sinasabing mind over emotion sapagkat sa bawat desisyong gagawin ng bawat isa maraming bagay ang dapat isa alang alang at kung pangingibabawin natin ang emotion sa bawat desisyon mahihirapan tayong gawin ang tama. Dapat laging handa sa lahat ng pagkakataon sapagkat hindi mo alam kung anong mangyayari bukas.

Sa mga babaeng officers mula sa mga babaeng tigre kung tawagin nila ay ang mga sumusunod ang mensaheng aming iniwan:

Ø  Maging Matatag – hindi dapat maging sagabal ang pagiging babae sa inyong journey as officers sa lakas man na pisikal ang usapan o sa kahit na anong aspeto.

Ø  Mag – isip muna bago mag salita – mostly sa mga pangyayaring kinasangkutan namin ay ang pagsasalita ng masasakit na salita sa inyo. Alam naman naming masasaktan kayo sa mga pinagsasabi namin ngunit sana isipin niyo na ang pagsasalita namin ng mga bagay na iyon ay hindi basta nalang lumabas sa aming mga bibig. Sa bawat salitang binitawan namin may kalakip na pag iisip kung ano ang magiging epekto sa inyo.

Ø  Be the tiger that you are -  hindi porket sinabing tigre ay laging nanakit ng walang rason. Minsan kelangan mong ipagtanggol ang mga bagay bagay na mahalaga sayo. Kung kinakailangang masaktan ang masasaktan gagawin natin. Sa maraming pagkakataon ay ipinakita namin ang payong ito. Alam ng mga babaeng officer kung ano ang tinutukoy ko dito. Pinahalagahan namin ang organisasyon sapagkat dito ay aming naexperience ang pagkakaroon ng pangalawang pamilya. Bawat member nito ay may obligasyon na gawin yon. Nakatali ang mga member nito sa mga rules na ginawa at napagkasunduan ng bawat isa kaya ano mang mangyari ay sinisigurado naming  napapatupad iyon. May mga pangyayari na kung saan nagkaroon ng complication regarding this pagpapahalaga matter. Though until now alam ninyong tutol parin kami sa mga nangyari ay unti unti rin naman naming tinanggap na wala na kaming magagawa ngunit sana sa batch ninyo ay ingatan ang aspetong ito sapagkat alam ninyo ang gulong maaaring idulot ng pagkakaroon ng relasyon sa isang Bok upperclass man o kaclass.

Ø  Pagpapahalaga sa bawat isa – mababaman ang posisyon or mataas man ang posisyon itinuring naming kapantay ang bawat isa sa amin. Sa pagsasagawa nito ay nagkaroon kami ng mas matibay na samahan. Ang pagpapahalaga sa kabuddy ay kasing halaga ng pagpapahalaga sa isang parte ng katawan. Kung mawawala ang isa ay para na ring nabawasan ang body part namin. Hanggat maaari ay iniiwasan namin ang mawala ang isa saamin ngunit may mga pagkakataon na we need to let go ikanga. Isa pa sa mga bagay na dapat pahalagahan ay ang inyong nasasakupan. Ang isang pinuno ay dapat laging isinasaalang alang ang magiging epekto ng kanyang gagawin sa kanyang mga underclass. Always think for the welfare of your men before yourself. In short be selfless.


Yan ang mga messages naming para sa mga bagong upperclass.

After ng madramang messages na aming ibinahagi sa aming mga underclass that time ay nagpasalamat kami kay sir Dom at nagpahayag ng appreciation sa lahat ng nagawa niya para samin.

Para sa mga kabuddy koh….hmmmnnn… next time na yung para sa inyo.

Okei moving on…..

After ng kadramahan exchange gift na rin sa wakas. Masaya ang naging pagpapalitan naming ng regalo… unexpected na yung corps pala naming ang nakabunot sa akin… as usual bumanat nanaman ng kantiyaw ang mga kurimaw…jejeje… may sayawan effect pa… then yun… haizzz….
Tapos na rin sa wakas ang aming Christmas party… Masaya, magulo at madrama …yan ang naging pangyayari sa aming munting Christmas party…



October 29, 2009

Military Uniform


 Military Uniform
By EiroL EneleJ

 When I first entered this organization we were told to have a uniform. New upper, new lower, new garrison, new pistol belt and new bullcap. Every things new, like the people around me wearing the same uniform as I wear. There are other new things added in my life. Ahead of me are new experience and new environment to grow of.

What comes after this new phase is the in use phase. As I first wear my uniform it feels like I am possessed by another person. My aura change into something strong, powerful, mature, responsible and disciplined persona. It feels great.

On our first training while wearing this uniform we went to a place that looks deserted, lonely and scary wherein a part of it is forest like. Five minutes after, a bus arrive and a batch of cadets and cadettes showed up in front of us, intimidatingly face us.

A man wearing a uniform stands before us and lead us inside the gate in a straight line. When I cross the line separating the camp to the outside world that’s the time I felt that the uniform I wear and I become one.

I sweat, cried, felt the pain, felt scared, and became worn-out together with him. I meet other buddies, Sir and Ma’am wearing something like him. I’ve gone to training using him wherein he protected me in everyway he can.

After a year everyone that see’s me with him showed respect to us. I felt honored and proud of him. And happy for he has been a part of me in every experience that I have gathered and will always reside in my memory. The improvement that I had from the training that we had shared together. The camaraderie that is formed with our co-buddies and instructors while wearing him.

Years passed and finally we’ve gone to battle. I gladly share with him my life as we struggled and fight for what we have pledge, “security, freedom, oneness and peace”.

Until now, as I lay, I still wear him. Proud and honored that we had served our purpose and fulfilled our destiny together. 


My Buddies 1

My Buddies (1)
By EiroLEneleJ
Nov. 27, 2008

We are ten but one

Each one of us is in different functions
But we function as one

We had said before these words in chorus
“We THINK as ONE and we ACT as ONE”

We had showed what we called
the “Buddy System”

When we were asked by this line
“Quit or Die”
We didn’t hesitate to shout back
“die”
One word but firmly stated
And sealed our destiny to be one

We had gained a lot
From the damnest, worst, ugliest to
Sweetest and unforgettable experiences we had

We had already traveled miles away
even without knowing that we had already
started running from the starting line

Looking back, I see lots of men
wearing civilians and filling up
forms which they never knew
would change them from nothing into something

From numerous to few we became

As trainings came each one of us
discovered something from one of us

The unknown became known
And the divider became binder

We are like different pieces of puzzle before,
Then as time goes by we became a perfect picture
of a United and WHOLE puzzle
as we fit each other perfectly
until each one of us are removed
from the right place that we are in
by different players that played with us

In this organization we pledged
And as we pledged we had already surrendered
Who we were and what we had

My Buddy said:
“mind over emotion”
that’s what we should do but
some of us just can’t and so they say
GOODBYE

Sometimes the HARDEST thing and the RIGHT thing are the same

October 24, 2009

Undeveloped Love





When you’re around,
Everything seems to be normal


We chat often
And there’s nothing unordinary
About the things we talked about


You seems interested in all the stories I share
You seems attentive to me all the time…
Every time we're together
It seems like we’re the best of friends.

One day, I just woke up from my bed crying
I felt tired, physically, emotionally and psychologically…
I just realize there’s no use in wearing this mask, in continuing this charade…

I always ask myself
Why the need to see you,
To be with you, to feel you…
I always derive with this reasons:

Because this simple things brings joy to my heart…
Because this simple things brings color to my pale life…
Because this simple things fill the emptiness inside of me…
Because this simple things complete my day…

It’s Sad when the things that make you happy could also destroy the happiness and turn it to a painful feeling that could kill my innocent heart…

Sometime the right thing and the most painful thing are the same. ;P


October 19, 2009

ihateu

My teenage Love Experience
(I HATE YOU)
By EiroL EneleJ
August 30, 2009



I hate the way you make me feel special
I hate the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, the way you smile at me
I hate the way you text me, as if you really care for me, as if you feel the same way I do
I hate you

I hate the way you make me smile
Just for the thought of you
I hate the way you make my heart beat
so fast as if it would come out of my chest
I hate you for I could not do the right thing
When it concerns you

I hate your sight
For every time I still wait to see you
I hate you for I know I can't be with you
I hate you for I know I can't own you

I hate you because my every wrong is right for you
I hate you because you see right through me
I hate you because I know my principles would just be thrown for you
I hate you because I know there will never be the right time for us

I hate you for being the type of guy that
I would love to hate but just can't
I hate you for affecting me like this
I hate you because whatever I do I just can’t forget you

I hate you for being a part of my life
When in fact I didn't want you to be
I hate you because when you promise something
You make sure to fulfill it in any way you can

I hate you for I’ve just met you but
You have easily entered my locked heart
I hate you for I become what I am now
I hate you because you would always do
Whatever I want you to do just because
You have no right to refuse

I hate you because you confuse me enough to
Make me believe in whatever I want to believe in
I hate you because I know i'd tolerate you
In whatever you do no matter what

I hate you because you said
You’d still love someone when you just cant
I hate you because you said that you'd
Care for her secretly but in fact
You showed me so much care it hurts

I hate you because I know you had the
Power over me when the truth is I am the one
That has power over you

I hate you because I just can't hate you


Thoughts and Views ~_~

Looking for something is very hard,

especially when that something is just right before your eyes.

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺

Being in love is being weak

Being in love is being stupid

Being in love is being blind

But being in love is being not all of the above….

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺

The greatest thing to experience in this world is being love and loving… don’t let your PRIDE ruin the greatest thing a human being could experience.

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺

There’s nothing you can do but be brave…

in a situation where weak are devoured by the strong ones.

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺

Women are like apples on the tree.

The best ones are at the top.

Men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples on the ground that isn’t good, but easy.

So the apples on top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing!

They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all d way to the top of the tree.