Something Real

It was one cold night,
it was dark and totally scary, 
if not for the hands that hold my hands,
i would have scream or run away, 
run far away.

We were just walking from afar,
going somewhere, nowhere in fact,
we just love to walk and feel the freaking ambiance that the night is offering,
We just simply don't care where this walking is getting us
all we care about is this feeling of being together.

Finally, We found a place to stop by,
we decided to take a nap,
he hugged me from behind,
i can't help but face him,
through the darkness of the night
i am looking at him,
seeing nothing but the picture of him that is permanently etched in my mind
i can't help but smile,
I put my hand in his chest,
I wanna feel his heartbeat,
I wanna hear his heartbeat,
I wanna make sure that his here,
He's just here.

I close my eyes,
faint smile is on my lips,
a dream that came true,
this is what it is.

Morning came, and sunlight took charge
I slowly opened my eyes,
I saw a pair of eyes looking at me,
I smiled, He smiled.
It seemed like a perfect fairy-tale,
like those in the movies,
Nothing seems to go wrong.

When I got up,
I saw him still looking at me,
I don't know why but I can't take my eyes off him,
It feels like once i blink, He'll be gone, He'll vanish,
So there, we keep looking at each other,
We are communicating without words,
There's this feeling that seems to bother me,
but i just shrug it off,
He'll be there, always
or so i thought.

~~~~~~~

This One's For You (#1 Smile)

By Eirol Enelej

December 21, 2011

First, smile

Then look into my eyes

I hope you’ll see everything from there

~~~~~

I’ve never imagine that this is how it’s going to be

It was just a single action

Just a simple click, hit on the button

Yet the impact change my life

You were just someone else

Yet the feeling of knowing you for so long is there

Little did I know, I really know you

Simple things make me smile

I hope I could also make you smile

The way you make me smile

Talking to you is like having a bear

You’ll be my favorite bear

Someone to hug, snuggle and love

You tell me stories,

I’ll listen to it

Comment on it, give advice

I hope it make sense

Nothings for sure in this world

Just as I believe that the only thing permanent is change

But rest assured that when the time comes

We’ll remember everything with a smile on our lips

Memory

Memory

By Eirol Enelej

08/03/2011

(Windstruck)

Staring at the white wall infront of me,

Seeing nothing but a vague memory,

Feeling numb yet the emotions unknown to itself surface

it is difficult to breathe,

I can’t move, I can’t think and I can’t feel

No matter what I do, no matter how far I go

It seems I always ended up here,

Infront of nothingness

The world offers a lot,

Yet I don’t take any of it

Am I a fool? Or simply a non-existing existence

I inhaled the thin air,

Yet it left me drowning to it

I’ve been to many places yet I can’t remember having any memory from it

When I met you, you gave me a pen and a notebook

You said, “Write it down”

 And I said “what am I going to write?”

You just smiled and turned away… you walked after 4 steps you turned to me and said

“You’ll know when the time comes.”

I stared on the things on my hand and looked on the direction where you’ve headed

I see nothing but an empty street

I walked, walked and walked

And then I stop, sat down on the bench infront of me

When I looked around I notice I’m in a park

I looked around using not my eyes but my innermost

I closed my eyes; let the wind blow on me

Disarrange everything that I’ve arrange

I inhaled and exhaled

Then I opened my eyes

I see a man standing infront of me

Looking down at me

I gave him a questioning look, raising an eyebrow

He smiled at me

He extended his hand and opened his mouth

And said “Hi, I’m hae”, I looked at his hand

Thinking whether to accept it or not

It’s no different to everything I do

Everything I do, before I do it,

I’ll think hard and then later on come up with a decision

Now I did it again, the only difference is that for the first time

I decided not using my mind but my heart

Yeah, pretty amazing how a muscle can, have so much power over mind

I gave you my hand just like I gave you my heart

The very first time I did it

A smile broke my lips and everything lighted up

You sit beside me, we chatted

You are so talkative and yet I don’t feel irritated

You are the most handsome man I’ve ever met

It felt like my heart beat for the first time

Typical love story

We met, we talked, and we decided to have each other’s contact number

We kept in touch, we became friends, you courted me, I gave you my sweetest “yes”

Seconds, minute, hours, days, week, month then year passed

Each one of them passed without us being aware

Life’s such a fairy tale yet every fairy tale needs a break

It was one day while we’re strolling on the park where we first met,

On the bench where we first sit together, I’m leaning on your shoulder

And your one hand’s holding my hand

We just sit there and savor the serenity of the surroundings

After sometime, you let go of my hand and got something on your bag

You brought out a notebook and a pen

You said “write down every memory you have with me.”

I got the notebook and the pen and started writing out everything that I remember

It was so surprising that everything was so easy to write down like everything just happened yesterday

It was just a small notebook and so I’ve written something till the last page

When I finished writing on it I handed you the notebook

And was so surprise that you got another notebook same as the one I’ve wrote to

I’ve open the notebook and found the sweetest word that was ever written on the first page

“I will always love you and will always be here for you, no matter what happens always remember that I’m just beside you. I LOVE YOU FOREVER. From Hae”

I turned to the next page and was surprise to see that it that it was empty. When I looked up at you, you said “I’ve let you wrote our memories here so that when I’m gone you’ll have something to go back to when the time comes that you’ll forget me. These other notebooks that I’m giving you, write everything that will happen to you in the future, so that when we meet again I’ll be reading it and it will feel like I’ve also experience it with you.”

From the very beginning I knew that this day will come, where I can no longer share a day with you. You told me that, the first time we talked to each other.

Even though I knew that this day will come, I’ve decided to spend and share my life with you. You gave me something that I know no one will ever be able to give me. Something so beautiful that I know I’ll never be able to just let it pass. Thank you so much for giving my existence a meaning and for giving me memories to cherish. Soon, we’ll meet again. But for now smile and be happy, live life the way it should be. 

Unattached

Unattached

By Eirol Enelej

(Dec 14, 2010)

I’ve realized that it was chance,

A chance of meeting somebody and a choice

A choice of making him a big part of your life.

I’ve realize that a long time ago

Yet why is it that a lot of others stay single

I close my eyes and I saw myself 9 years ago

“His nose is pointed, his eyelashes are long,

His eyes are soulful, he's not so tall,

And he has his own brand of bone melting smile.”

Everytime I look at him in the most discreet way

my heart beat so fast. I don’t even have any idea how it happened

but I just woke up one day

 and realized that I can’t live a day without even having

a mere glance on him.

I bought a pair of ring,

I don’t know why and I don’t even bother to ask myself.

The first time I saw that ring a crazy idea just pop up in my mind.

I must have that ring. I want to give that ring to the man who will have my heart.

I don’t know if I am just being impulsive or what….

But during those times I am very much sure that it is him,

The one I wanted to give the ring

It was February, a prom night I’ll never forget.

I got one of my teen fantasy came true.

The touch, the dance and the music

It was magic. All I wanted was to freeze time.

Look in his eyes, stay by his side… FOREVER

That was the first chance to give him the ring yet

I forgot everything for that magical moment.

It was now April, last month of being a high school student

And probably my last chance to make him aware of my “feelings” for him.

Graduation day, I’m on the stage, he’s there right infront of me.

During the whole program, my eyes never left him

cause maybe it’ll be the last time I’ll ever see him… for the meantime

my last chance to give him the ring.

Present day, and I’m looking at him. It seems like he doesn’t change a bit.

He’s smiling, he seems really happy. While looking at him

a question pop-up on my mind.

“What if I had given it to him? Would he still be the same us now? Happy… contented.

Or maybe…. A lot of maybe, could have been……..”

Looking at him now, looking at me now I ask myself

 if it is just “CHANCE AND CHOICE”. Maybe it is something more…

something more like RIGHT TIME, RIGHT PLACE and maybe…

just maybe RIGHT MAN.

Undeveloped Love 2: Pretention

Undeveloped Love 2: Pretention

By EiroL EneleJ

November 2 2009

How many times will I do this…?

To hide this hurtful look in my eyes…

How could I still manage to put a sweet smile into this tired lips…

When the pain I feel inside keeps eating my lonely heart…

I keep thinking that this dreadful feeling is from the past…

That I am still dwelling to my past…

But how can I convince myself when I know that the fact that hurts me is…

When I see you with a smile in your lips…

With a twinkle in your eyes…

With an intermittent light on your face…

And with happy and contented aura that surrounds you…

Only it was not intended for me…

I once had the chance to experience all of it…

It feels surreal…

I felt it in my heart….

But something happened along the way….

It’s just that along with the magical feeling, fear overrule my heart…

I told myself… I can never have the whole him…

I will never be enough for him …

So it would be better if at this early I’ll make a move to avoid him…

It would be better to shield my fragile heart from the coming heartache….

To make this coming misery quick and fast…

It’s just that it didn’t occur to me that what if….

What if this thing that I’ve been avoiding was the only things that could complete the whole me….

I don’t have the right to stop the things that are meant to happen for they will find the way…

I didn’t lessen the pain that I would feel for there could have been a chance to have a complete happiness but instead I chose the coward’s way…

Now there are so many what if’s in my mind that would never have the answer….

Now matte what I do, I cannot undo what I did…

That’s the sad thing when you had the single chance to make u happy but you just let it go just like that…