Memory
By Eirol Enelej
08/03/2011
(Windstruck)
Staring at the white wall infront of me,
Seeing nothing but a vague memory,
Feeling numb yet the emotions unknown to itself surface
it is difficult to breathe,
I can’t move, I can’t think and I can’t feel
No matter what I do, no matter how far I go
It seems I always ended up here,
Infront of nothingness
The world offers a lot,
Yet I don’t take any of it
Am I a fool? Or simply a non-existing existence
I inhaled the thin air,
Yet it left me drowning to it
I’ve been to many places yet I can’t remember having any memory from it
When I met you, you gave me a pen and a notebook
You said, “Write it down”
And I said “what am I going to write?”
You just smiled and turned away… you walked after 4 steps you turned to me and said
“You’ll know when the time comes.”
I stared on the things on my hand and looked on the direction where you’ve headed
I see nothing but an empty street
I walked, walked and walked
And then I stop, sat down on the bench infront of me
When I looked around I notice I’m in a park
I looked around using not my eyes but my innermost
I closed my eyes; let the wind blow on me
Disarrange everything that I’ve arrange
I inhaled and exhaled
Then I opened my eyes
I see a man standing infront of me
Looking down at me
I gave him a questioning look, raising an eyebrow
He smiled at me
He extended his hand and opened his mouth
And said “Hi, I’m hae”, I looked at his hand
Thinking whether to accept it or not
It’s no different to everything I do
Everything I do, before I do it,
I’ll think hard and then later on come up with a decision
Now I did it again, the only difference is that for the first time
I decided not using my mind but my heart
Yeah, pretty amazing how a muscle can, have so much power over mind
I gave you my hand just like I gave you my heart
The very first time I did it
A smile broke my lips and everything lighted up
You sit beside me, we chatted
You are so talkative and yet I don’t feel irritated
You are the most handsome man I’ve ever met
It felt like my heart beat for the first time
Typical love story
We met, we talked, and we decided to have each other’s contact number
We kept in touch, we became friends, you courted me, I gave you my sweetest “yes”
Seconds, minute, hours, days, week, month then year passed
Each one of them passed without us being aware
Life’s such a fairy tale yet every fairy tale needs a break
It was one day while we’re strolling on the park where we first met,
On the bench where we first sit together, I’m leaning on your shoulder
And your one hand’s holding my hand
We just sit there and savor the serenity of the surroundings
After sometime, you let go of my hand and got something on your bag
You brought out a notebook and a pen
You said “write down every memory you have with me.”
I got the notebook and the pen and started writing out everything that I remember
It was so surprising that everything was so easy to write down like everything just happened yesterday
It was just a small notebook and so I’ve written something till the last page
When I finished writing on it I handed you the notebook
And was so surprise that you got another notebook same as the one I’ve wrote to
I’ve open the notebook and found the sweetest word that was ever written on the first page
“I will always love you and will always be here for you, no matter what happens always remember that I’m just beside you. I LOVE YOU FOREVER. From Hae”
I turned to the next page and was surprise to see that it that it was empty. When I looked up at you, you said “I’ve let you wrote our memories here so that when I’m gone you’ll have something to go back to when the time comes that you’ll forget me. These other notebooks that I’m giving you, write everything that will happen to you in the future, so that when we meet again I’ll be reading it and it will feel like I’ve also experience it with you.”
From the very beginning I knew that this day will come, where I can no longer share a day with you. You told me that, the first time we talked to each other.
Even though I knew that this day will come, I’ve decided to spend and share my life with you. You gave me something that I know no one will ever be able to give me. Something so beautiful that I know I’ll never be able to just let it pass. Thank you so much for giving my existence a meaning and for giving me memories to cherish. Soon, we’ll meet again. But for now smile and be happy, live life the way it should be.
